subject line: i can bear it as well as anybody.

Atlanta, Georgia

“I always think I mean more to people than I do. I always think I’m a lover or a friend or something – turns out I’m just the person they talk to when they’ve got no one else. I’m the kid that everybody picks last for the kickball team. I’m a gym buddy or a lunch date or a study partner until I’m not, until I’m not of use any more. Until I’m too much, until I’m too little. They will always find someone more or less or better or different or prettier or smarter or funnier or more stable. They will always find someone that isn’t me. I will always be the one they left behind. I will always be the one to hear the shift in tone, to hear that inevitable subtle switch in the way they talk to me until I’m nothing but furniture.
Wouldn’t it be something if someone decided to stay? If someone decided that the way I loved them wasn’t reason to leave? If someone didn’t always find someone better? I know I’m not much. I’m not much of anything at all. And I don’t blame the countless ones I’ve loved with more than I ought. Because they deserve more, they deserve better.
Maybe it wouldn’t be a great thing if someone stayed. Maybe I’d be keeping them from someone better. Maybe I’d be keeping them tied to me when they should be out there with someone they really love, someone they don’t have to pretend to like. Maybe I should just take one for the team. Somebody’s got to be the second best, somebody’s got to be whatever comes after the first choice. Might as well be me. I can bear it as well as anybody.”